It was after midnight and I was on the 6 train coming home last night when I had this revelation. Everyone in New York holds everyone else in slight disdain at all times. White people dislike people that aren't convenient to them, black people dislike cops (with good reason) and white people - especially stupid impatient white people. Puerto Ricans and Dominicans can't stand each other. Koreans and Chinese have some issues with one another. Mexicans hate - actually I don't know who Mexicans hate but I would bet it was their slave-driver chef bosses. Hasids and blacks, Muslims and Jews, Iranians and Iraqis, Gays and Catholics, Greeks and Turks, Armenians and Turks - it is what it is - if you think it's different you're fooling yourself. See the wonderful thing about diversity is that though you get to absorb aspects of other cultures that make your life better, you are forced to have to endure aspects of those very same cultures that are uncomfortable, irritating and sometime plain out frightening to outsiders. This sometimes creates tension. So where is this going...
Last night on the 6 train, or rather early this morning, a crew of Puerto Rican lesbians, still drunk from the Puerto Rican day parade where making merry on their way back home from downtown. I knew they were Puerto Rican by the flag bandannas and I knew that they were lesbians, first because of the gym teacher looks, the rat tail mullets and boys clothes but finally because there was some the sucking of some faces going on which I qualify as a dead give-away. They were loud, they were obnoxious, they were distracting and they were bothersome. That's when the train came to a sudden lurch and one of the bigger girls took a spill. Was it funny? Maybe - but she actually looked a little hurt and had stopped smiling. So where the fuck does Sweden come in? OK
On the seats between said lesbians and I, was a group of affected looking, blond, blue eyed Nordic tourists - I just assume they were Swedes because they had excruciating Goldmember sounding accent - and they looked as pure as the driven snow in a "Seka Does The Canadian Mounties" movie. They were smiling too much and their eyes glistened with the slick of a nights worth of exploiting the well-being of the Swedish Krona at downtown American pubs. There were both men and women in the group and they all were dressed in designer, manufactured irony as they all looked like they were about to get on stage to open up for Molly Hatchet . 70's gear, long straight hair, beards, platform shoes etc. The worst of these jackasses was a loud, weasely looking piece of excrement - he was the one who got my attention because when the drunken Loca hit the ground he finally says THIS of all things in English, "Ha Ha Ha - Say no to drugs, yaa? Ha Ha Ha!"
My point here is one of New York pride. See maybe this group of Puerto Rican lesbians was a little loud and annoying but they are MY LOUD AND ANNOYING PUERTO RICAN LESBIANS, not yours Bjorn! They belong to New Yorkers and we belong to them!
What to do? What to do? This couldn't go unpunished because this mendicant is wearing a head band, a pubey, scraggy beard, aviotor shades - in the train - at night, a suede fringed vest with fucking beads on it -FUCKING BEADS ON ON IT - bell bottoms with brass studs in the hems and finally the worst most horrible affront was that he had the four symbols you see on Led Zeppelin album covers, tattooed on his forearm and the "Swan Song" Icarus symbol from those same albums tattooed on his bicep - say no to drugs indeed Sven - especially before you go under the needle. We get it Jr. You likes you some Zep.
As I got up to leave, I abruptly cut off the Swede's chortling good time by leaning over this rodent and fairly loudly and slowly saying, "why don't you shut the fuck UP douche-bag!?" They all shut the fuck up and stared at one another in that irritating, doe in the headlights/tourist about to be murdered by the crazy giant man, manner. It was a small token of my sometimes admittedly fascist love of New York, but I hope they got the picture. New Yorkers can bitch and make fun of each other all we want - we earned it - SWEDES - especially fake HIPPY SWEDES - ARE NOT ALLOWED TO - EVER! Thanks for IKEA now go back to Stockholm bitches!