Prohibition soon?

Is it me or is New York becoming a Mormon town!?  I sit home today with the beginnings of what I think will be a nasty cold and watch the local news.  Some local politico is lobbying to get chocolate milk taken out of school lunches.  He's not worried about those gray hamburgers with that layer of bubbly grease or that fucked up heat lamp freshened pizza. No. Getting rid of chocolate milk in the cafeteria is the solution to our children's woes.  It's one in a series of events that makes me believe that eventually we will be told what and when to eat, drink, fuck and think! We are heading toward a terrible time of prohibitionist reform!

You remember prohibition don't you? Of course you do. They taught us about it in school.  They also showed us that the prohibiton of liquor is what let organized crime flourish. Good work folks.

After that drugs were the big evil defilers of the American way, and coke, pot and opiates eventually became our menace.  As we can all see the "war" on drugs was and is a losing proposition.  There is no winning the war on drugs.  All we do is postpone the inevitable legalization that will raise our GNP in a way we haven't seen since the Industrial Revolution!

More recently we had a smoking ban in NYC bars.  Yes smoking is bad.  I smoke and I hate myself for being a bitch to a finger long piece of rolled paper stuffed with a dried plant but it's my choice.  The idea that it was to protect employees is ridiculous.  If bartenders didn't want to inhale smoke they shouldn't work as bartenders just like if cops didn't want to get shot at they shouldn't be cops. The idea that the ban has INCREASED business is also asinine. If you have to go outside to smoke you aren't drinking!  You are also more apt to go to the next bar.  In the time you take to go from the first bar to the next - guess what - YOU ARE NOT DRINKING! Also it has created a quality of living issue for those who live near bars.  I did a little experiment right after the ban with a few friends at the Knitting Factory.  We wanted to see how much we drank (and this crew LOVES to drink) and other factors concerning our new situation.  This is what we found.
1. We drank what we estimated to be 2-3 less cocktails than we normally would.
2. Every time one person went for a smoke another joined.  As the night went on this went from 2 people smoking on the street to 3 people to 5 to 7.  The litter started to pile up despite the ashtrays outside
3. Also every time we went out for a smoke we were a bit drunker and there was one or two more of us.  The noise level started to skyrocket.

Just to put things in perspective let's look at things this way.  Let's look at booze and tobacco on an apples to apples level.

• Have you ever heard of someone beating their wife bloody and then shaking their baby to death after one too many Newports?
• Have you ever heard of someone losing their job, family, assets or home because of their Camel addiction?
• Have you ever heard of someone running a red light at 80 miles an hour then killing a child on the road because they had too much nicotine in their system?

Second hand smoke kills?  Well then second hand alcoholism does as well, and I'm afraid to actually put that in writing because I'm afraid some asshole politician will then ban DRINKING BOOZE in BARS!

Finally of course we have the TRANS FAT nonsense in NYC eateries.  I don't know about you but I'm tired of the local  government constantly stepping on my neck when it comes to this shit.  No one ever seems to ever be able to vote on this stuff.  There was no vote regarding the smoking ban, no vote on this trans fat thing.  It's starting to feel a lot like penalization without representation.

My friend Steve has a theory that all this interest in our "health" has more to do with the local government, not wanting to pick up the bill when it comes to your health care in 2-3-5-10 years.  It actually makes sense.  Less lower class kids with diabetes/lung cancer/addictions means less state/city $ mediacaid aid that the powers that be have to give to that sector.  So what does that tell you?

Eventually only the upper classes will have access to vices beacause only the upper clases will be able to afford the consequences. 
Maybe that's not a bad thing befcause when they are fat and weezing and drug and booze addled we'll be there all fucking healthy, bored, angry and ready to walk in and streal the cigars from their bloated lips.

Cholesterol clogged arteries will be the impetus for the next revolution!
Viva le BACON!

Comments

[bill campana]

it's a known fact, spyro, that the more chocolate milk a child drinks the more he or she ditches class to run outside for a smoke. the combination of cocoa and nicotien is as harmful to society as pornography and my right hand! just last week i saw a chocolate milk carton outside of a mesa elementary school with a picture of a pair of chocolatey brown lungs above a caption that read, "have you seen me lately?" a thirteen year old boy picked it up and ran into the bushes with it. then i saw smoke. maybe we can compromise and put filters on the straws. who knows? this world is coming to a halt and it's about time. my motto the new year is BULLSHIT + IGNORANCE = 2007!

[The Rev. Spyro]

Bill You Are A Demi-God 12th Level!