More Douchelike data

Yet another dose of douchey data for your asses!
1. Trans Fat Nazis! - I am going to start a joint called the TRANS FAT CAFE - where we will serve everything made in shortening.  We will deep fry pork fat IN TRANS FAT based cooking products, in fact if you want, you can just get a big bowl of shortening FRIED IN SHORTENING! Enough already! The Rev. anoints Trans fat a sacrament!

2. Lebowski Fest - I liked this movie until the Trekkie-esque morons turned it into a geek fest and this is coming from a pretty steadfast fan boy geek.

3. Dick Cheney's daughter - OK his daughter is openly gay and now she's going to have a baby! She is the 4 ton pink elephant in the Republican's living room no one wants to talk about. I LOVE THIS WOMAN!  She can have some of my sperm if she wants another kid!  C'mon Dick! Renounce your daughter like a good quasi despot! Re-VEAAAAL yourself DEMON - the Rev. commands it!

4. This next DOUCHE is SUCH a DOUCHE - I found him on Craigslist. I figured just linking to him would be an injustice to just how DOUCHEY Mr. Douchebag McDouchelicker is!

Please reply to the DOUCHE MASTER @ [email protected]
Here goes RACISM!
"Just imagine how cool this city would be if went after landlords and employers who rent and hire to illegal aliens! Just imagine how nice it would be do things like get on a bus or sit in the steam room at the gym and not have to listen to the Yak Yak Yak that bullshit lingo they talk. Just imagine how much more room we would have in this fine City. Imagine all the rental space that would be available to true Americans only. Imagine all the room on the city streets we would have and less traffic. Can someone please tell me why in the name of God our we not punching employers with big fines, and taking over the property of landlords who rent to Illegal aliens! And can some please tell me how can American civil rights apply to people who ARE NOT AMERICANS! More an more cites are doing this for the love of God why our we not doing this here! It’s the perfect answer to get rid of this big illegal aliens problem.    It’s time to get they fuckers OUT OF HERE !!! I’m so sick of looking at them I’m so sick of listing to them talk that lingo they talk. If  the they said to you as an American that to end this problem all Americans must donate $20.00 to put them on a bus and send them back, I for one would sent a check for lots more. It’s time to start doing something and going after the landlords and employers is the way to do it! Do you agree AMERICANS!"

Please find this puss-bubble, this shit-stain and disapear his ass! FIND THIS BLIGHT ON OUR COLLECTIVE GENEALOGY AS HUMANS and sterilize his ass before he breeds!  The irony is that it's assholes like this guy that end up buying Russian or Phillipino wives from catalogs.

5. No one will EVER accuse the Rev. being a feminist but some idiot took the time to write up what he must think is a witty charticle on how to pick up "super freaks" aka "alternachics" aka women who actually have a personality and a sense of self expression.

Check out this gem on how to pick up a RAVE chic.

"Give her a Demerol lollypop and feel her up..."  hhmmmm - date rape - wow what a novel approach.
You can tell this idiot is vying for an internship at MAXIM.

6. Christopher Hitchens - My girlfriend and I disagree regarding Mr. Hitchens.  You can kind of figure out he's a bit of a blow hard and an arrogant dick who is deathly afraid of looking stupid (I speculate he once might have been made to feel unintelligent by an authority figure so now he goes out of his way to do the same to others) - but a  douche? I don't think so. Not yet anyway.  He just wrote some article about women not being funny that my girl took offense at.  I sometimes agree with this point when confronted with Tina Fey on SNL (though her writing is actually witty) or Elaine Boozler or Rita Rudner or Paula Poundstone or Jeanine Garafolo or even Sandra Bernhadt. The real fact is that when unfunny assholes like Dane Cook get the kind of coverage he has seen recently, well then the state of comedy as an art form today is just kind of sad across gender lines.  Now my girl (who is VERY FUCKING FUNNY!) tells me Chris should make it on my shit list and I say, no and that I sometimes agree with him which just gets us into a fight blabblabla - The Rev. gets the couch again! Thanks Chris! C'mon honey - I said you were funny - aaaand pretty aaaaaaand so much smarter than me - please can I have my testicles back now?  I promise my next top ten list to be an ode to VERY FUNNY women.  In the meantime it's nice to watch Hitchens tear UBER DOUCHE Ann Coulter a new ass.

OK I'm all douched out.
See ya soon.
Same douche time.
Same douche channel.

Comments

[a.murkin]

Will you be doing a biggest Douche of 2006 posting?

[Reverausarus Rex]

Ya know what Murky? That's a pretty damn good idea. In fact it's my next post - I'm doing an open call for the 2006 Uber Douche!

[bill campana]

dear reverend:
i am very excited to announce that i am going to be a father again. mary cheney and i are going to have a baby. i had a long talk with dick today and we're both pleased with the recent turn of events. yes i had a long talk with dick and then i had a long talk with the vice-president. rim shot. who didn't see that one coming? president bush is also excited. he gave cheney a t-shirt with the words LESBIAN GRANDPA on the front. the vice president is so excited about becoming a grandparent that he's having a baby monitor installed in his pacemaker. ok, i lost you at LESBIAN GRANDPA didn't i?

[St. Spyro - Patron St. of Douchebashers!]

BILL! When are you coming to NYC so I can baptise you in a vat of cream cheese! The Rev. is requesting a sit down. Do not disappoint!