Holy shmaholey! It's 10 new things to intrigue and titillate your office bored asses.
1.Britney, Britney, Britney! Shaving your head? Getting a tattoo? - I say...FUCK YEAH! Go skinhead on everyone's ass! Buy some Dr. martens and Oi it up!
2. My new favorite celebrity train wreck - Tom Sizemore - this guy's show makes Danny Bonaducci look almost sane. I love it when they flash back to him on meth in black and white - because you know when you do meth the world goes colorblind.
3. Paris Shunners! - that's right SHUN Paris Hilton. Stop pretending she's a celebrity and she'll be spotted playing "...with a monkey while a band of midgets led a pack of goats around the room..." to get attention.
4. The 300 - OK OK I know it will probably blow but the trailer rules and it's about 300 of the Rev's peeps kicking crazy fucking Persian booty (till they got masacred) and helping to save Greece. Spartans were like the ancient Greek versions of the Hell's Angels - They lived to fight and they killed their babies if they were born lame. Hardcore fuckers.
5. Comeback of the year (drumroll please) Martha Stewart. The Rev. admits he's long been an admirer of Martha's New England flav. Also I really like to show's new more live talkshowey format but bottom line, bitch went to jail for a CONSIDERABLE amount of time in media years and is bouncing back. Her and Marion Barry should start a club called - "We fucked up and yet you like us, you really like us..." oh yeah and FUCK Rachel Ray!
6. Second comeback of the year (drumroll please) Dot freaking Coms?
- the Rev was a lad employed in the hackey sack playing, sandal
wearing, twenty something millionaire world the first time it came
around and was VERY happy to see it die. Let's see how long the new
breed of geniuses last. Yes yes yes I know they have better business
models and broader bandwidth now so E-Commerce is possible but
inevitably the herd is always thinned, laws of natural selection and
all. I can't wait to watch the carnage. I predict Friendster will be
first to fold which proves that first to market is not always the best
position to be in anymore.
7. Saul of the Mole Men
- Actually this show sucks but it reminds me of kids shows like Sigmund
and the Sea Monsters that I used to enjoy as a wee babe.
8. Corn Mo
- Think Meatloaf meets Tiny Tim meets a very very bad tequila induced
bar experience. Like a Bat Tip Toeing through the agave fields!
9. The new VH? - I'm ambivalent about this but still a fan of DLR. Wolfgang VanHalen? hmmmm....
10. My favorite new product to give as a gift to your incontinent alcoholic uncle with the 13 cats is.............URINE GONE!
Amen boys and girls, A-Men.
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