The Rev. Spyros' Snake Oil Emporium

Oh My God! They killed JESUS - those BASTARDS!

That's right! The Catholic Church has censored a version of their OWN LORD!  Why?  Because it's made of chocolate.  Now say the images was made of gold and diamonds that cost the lives of thousands of men and women and children working as slaves mining useless baubles - oh well then that's OK.  But CHOCOLATE?  The freaking nerve to create the visage of the lord in the same material we use to celebrate his death and re-birth  when we craft bunnies and eggs out of it and stick them in little baskets.  Granted the Son of God's dick was flapping in the wind, but SO THE FUCK what?  Are the Catholics telling me that Jesus was a eunuch?  Please folks bring back Chocolate Jesus - write to  Bill Donohue, the Grand Inquisitor, at the Catholic League at:

Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights

450 Seventh Avenue

              New York,  NY    10123

Telephone: (212) 371-3191

FAX: (212) 371-3394

E-mail: cl@catholicleague.org

Tell him that maybe if he gave some their priests a little anatomically correct chocolate Jesus every so often, they might stop butt-fucking the altar boys.
A - Father are you sure that's how I receive my first communion - men   

Why I love Roger Clark

I luvs me my NY1 in the morning - the same news looped over and over again with no goofy asshole anchors like on the channel 5 or 11 NYC news.  There is is one goofy thing on NY 1 and I freaking love it - and that's Roger Clark! Is there a monkey festival in Buschwick?  Call Roger!  Is it 100 below and we need a man on the street?  Call Roger?  Is there a clown convention in midtown?  Call Roger! Polka contest? Roger! Comic Book launch? Guess who.  He's like their fluff guy but he's so damn good at it because sometimes he's a bumbler - but he knows it - what I loved most was when he was told by his anchor he had it good because he  got to eat a decent meal at a Brooklyn food event - and Roger replies "You've had me out in the mess this winter all season! I can have an endive salad if I want to."  Then he asks "What is an endive?"  Only thing that bothers me is I think my girlfriend has a crush on him.

Keep your mic away from my woman, Roger! Watch this clip on world politics.

Rocks in the head

The Rev. bashed his holy noggin three times yesterday.
1. On my bathroom door - I'm a klutz - it was dark - no big deal.
2. On the top corner of an out door ATM - I'm tall, it's short - still - no big deal but then...
3. I got hit in the head by a rock ! Did the Rev. say a rock? - No to Dwayne Johnson AKA "The Rock"  but an earth born object that geologists study - A FUCKING ROCK!  It happened while I was walking past a construction site in freaking Williamsburg! 
Here's the problem with getting hit in the head with a rock.
It bleeds - a lot!  Like down your face - then it mixes up with your sweaty head and you look horrific - as in included photo!
So I walk  a block into this bodega where the owner sits me down and starts screaming "call 911 call 911" but after he gives me a towel and some water to clean up we see - not that big a deal.  Small cut. Nice of him to do that though - please patronize the fruit stand on N. 8th and Bedford. 
I then walk over to the 11211 magazine offices where I had left my computer the night before and guess what?
It just doesn't stop bleeding.  And not a lot just enough to be annoying.
So the 11211 boys give me another towel and I sit there and wait till it stops.
The worse part of this is that is it's not like you can put a bandage on it.  I got too much hair for a bandage to stick and too little hair for the wound to be hidden by!  Scabs freak people out - this one looks like a ridge on the bald spot on my head - I look like a lizard - I look like a Sleestak from Land of the Lost.  So I'm wearing  a hat for a minute but you very well can't go on a business meeting wearing a freaking hat either and I have one scheduled TODAY!!!!!
I can't figure out if that rock fell off a roof or if a truck kicked up off the street  but if you're in North Brooklyn beware brothers and sisters Beware - Take Care - BEWAAAAAAARRRRREEE.

PS Today a pigeon hit my girlfriend in the head on the way to work!

THE SKY IS FALLING - THE SKY IS FALLING!!!!!!!!!!!

Yuppies Suck! Street fairs rule

The San Gennaro fest - one of the OLDEST street fairs in NYC is being threatened that if they don't cut down the noise and litter it will be in danger of not happening.  You have to be kidding right - it's a FUCKING STREET FAIR - ON THE STREET - IN THE OPEN! Plus have you seen some of the pinkie ring wearing, no neck, knuckle dragging,  goombas with the zipper-head 50 mph haircuts and the unusual bulges in their suits that run the fair ?  Vinny "the Chin" Gigante - an infamous mobster was a main patron!   I wouldn't want to think these guys suspected me of bitching about their beloved street fair even in their dreams ... but let me give these guys all a hint.  The people bitching are the ones that don't look Italian, Hispanic,African American, or like European Jews.  In fact you can point the malcontents out by their Volvos and Audis and the fact that they look like they've only lived in the neighborhood for a few years.  They shop at Murray Moss and Whole Foods and don't eat carbs.  They ask you to put your cigarette out and walk VERY SLOWLY right in front of you with their designer strollers, talking bullshit on their crackberries when your in the rush of your life.    I can't wait till whatever new member of the community board (Some Biff  or Geoff from MA or CT) is identified and starts to find dead fish in newspaper thrown through his broken back windshield.  Oh and Biff  - about the cops - they're mostly all catholics.  I'm not sure you'll see a lot of sympathy.  All I know is if I don't get a sausage and peppers and some zeppoli I'll be one pissed off NY'er!  Can you here us knocking Biff?  We'll be at your door with corn dogs and those long ass fruity drinks that come in the plastic glasses full of rum.  Can you hear us knocking? oh yeah.
A(gonna get me a zeppoli damn it!)men!

Stay the fuck outta Brooklyn!

I sure hope you can read this AWESOME T from Brooklynrock.com.   It says my "Mom and Dad went to Brooklyn and all they got me was this lousy CONDO!" It's almost as awesome as a shirt I once saw that said "Welcome to Austin - Please don't move here!" HA! Awesome! As is this post by the honorable Judy McGuire about some douchebag parents buying their princess daughter a $900,000 place in Williamsburg - well I hope that studio that you have to share a bathroom with two other people over on the south side under the train and over the crack house works out for you princess.
Parents don't let your babies grow up to be hipsters..and keep them the fuck out of Brooklyn. 

Who luvs Shane more than we...

Today did not start well.
The Rev. had to self - arbitrate a volatile situation between a co-worker and himself.
The Rev also got the news that his blood pressure since his last checkup (which was high) has actually gone UP.  Meds are due.  Bummer.
So finally  - de Rev's wiminks and Ze Revz didz go to a showzen tonightzen.

The Pogues.

Last night they canceled on us but we came back to the Burg and hung at Supreme Trading (a great place with a great Irish bartender and a space where you can smoke legally while bending an elbow - outside in their  courtyard HOOWAA!) and re-booked our tickets for tonight while having a pint or 6.

Pre -  PS Fuck Ticketmaster customer service - they are up there with the DMV regarding giving a shit about you and owe us 30 cell phone minutes worth of hold time!!!!

So about tonight:

These assholes must pay!

I'm watching "This American Life", an NPR radio show that has been made into a TV show.  This episode features  an improv theater group called Improv Everywhere.  They are basically pranksters but not in a "Candid Camera" kind of way but in a pretentious "we are SOOOO clever"  kind of way. These piss ons  found out about some band playing NYC from Vermont called Ghosts of Pasha that wasn't really drawing well.  Improv Everywhere decided  to learn all their songs off the band's website and make fake t-shirts with the bands logo.   A shit load of these improv douche-nicks showed up to a show for these poor dudes to make it seem like they had a fan base in NY. They went all retarded with fake improv adulation screaming out their lyrics and requests for songs. Ghosts of Pasha felt like kings until Improv Everywhere posted their prank on-line and the bands friends who saw it clued them in to this.  My girlfriend put it best when she said it was like getting the quarterback in high-school to pretend he liked the fat chic and then break her heart so the jocks can get a good laugh. 

Judah on 30 Rock

Judah Friedlander's character, Frank on 30 Rock has his own blog now.  If you haven't watched this show, do yourself a favor and tune in! It is AWESOME!

Sarah Silverman Sucks

Recently - the honorable Sistah Judith McGuire received a comment on her post about Sarah Silverman.  This idiot insisted that Sistah Judes was jealous of Ms. Silverman's success and wit.  Well I for one think Ms. Silverman sucks and sucks large.  She isn't funny.  She's all punchline - no joke!
Let's see what others have to say...
Maureen Ryan at The Chicago Tribune,
"Fans of Silverman’s humor may find it funny for her character to call something gay, then turn to her gay friends and say, “I don’t mean gay like homosexual or something, I mean gay like retarded.” I find that sort of remark the equivalent of someone jabbing you in the ribs and saying, “Hey, I just said something rude, what do you think of that? Pretty offensive, huh?”