The Rev. Spyros' Snake Oil Emporium

The first official 2008 New Douche Review!

OK OK I know - you've been starving to find out who made the first douche list of 2008.  Well how about we start with...

1. The WTC Developers - OK they are actively looking to put a restaurant up high!  Novel idea pre 9/11 but now it's more of a thrill ride. "Hello diners and thank you for coming to the New Windows on the World.  If you look to your right bay window, you'll see TWA flight 914 delivering your appetizer."    Jesus please keep our restaurants on the ground. 

2. FUCKING SPITZER!  - Grow a set of balls you weasel and get our NYC schools the $10Million you fucking promised asshole!  I never trusted this beady eyed lizard looking drip.

3. Tom Brady- OK let me get this straight - a few weeks before the Superbowl you just happen to be strolling through the cold streets of New York with a HUGE bouquet of flowers to bring to your super-model girlfriend when you could have taken a cab.  Well maybe the "unbeatable" Pats ARE worried about Big Blue if they have to fucking resort to PR head-games and stunts.  Injury my ass - of course secretly I really hope Tom's in horrible pain.   

4.  Ted Kennedy - AAAK Ted what are you doing?  Please keep your cursed Kennedy influence away from Obama before you get him drunk, into a paternity  suit or killed!  You Kennedys are BAD NEWS! Stay away from one of the only even marginally decent candidate sPLEASE!

5.  And one of my favorite regular DOUCHES - the NEW YORK CITY MTA!  What's this I hear?  A fare hike?  I am SOOOO surprised and and what else? The Fulton St. hub in lower Manhattan is a complete cluster fuck?  NO KIDDING?  For those of you holding out for the 2nd Ave.tunnel - don't hold your breath because it won't happen in our lifetime.

Stay tuned for douches and douchiness in future posts. 

 

The Izzard is strong in this one...

My friend Holly from AZ put this up on Myspace and to quote her "it never gets old". 

A(DEATH BY TRAY)Men

My friends...For all my friends....

In Advertising...thanks to Steve "Killah" Pang for the below You Tube morsel on working in media.

A(Wokkawokka)Men

Hefner Flynt 08!

I'm telling you we can really put the blue back in blue states if we put Larry and Hugh in office before they both croak - who's with me?

I found the following infamous mock advertisement that  Flynt had put out in Hustler to get under the honorable Jerry Falwell's skin - enjoy.

This is why we LUV David Lee Roth

So following on my post about my grand love for the mighty Van Halen's most Godlike reunion, recently our friend and most talented neighborhood salon owner Meredith (of Mousy Brown Salon fame)  sent a file of Running With The Devil sans everything but David Lee Roth's vocal part - here are my comments

1.  He's got spot on the perfect combination of  pitch and articulation
2.  He can belt it out there like he's on Broadway
3.  There are parts in between the verses where DLR sounds like a drunken Asiatic howler monkey fist fucking Tickle Me  Elmo without lubrication. 

Then I thought about it and - yeah that's exactly why I like David Lee Roth - he's a huge out of control HAM!  And somehow, cheezy and oily as he is, he pulls it off.  Here it is - enjoy! 
Click Below:

Long Live David Lee Roth - Long Live Rock! aaaaYYYEEAAAeeeeAAaaaeeeAaaaaaaAAABABY!

2008's First 10 of the Year!

You wanted the best! You got the best! The greatest rock band in the world...oh wait - that would be KISS.  This is just another list of ten things  that you can read at work on your bosses dime.

10. Hershey's made a mint product that looks like $10 bags of East Harlem Smack!

9.  The Hillary Nut Cracker - Part action figure.  Part castration device.

8.  For those of you with the "post holiday, about to lose my job and I'm in thousands of dollars of credit card debt" blues please don't go all Heath Leger on us.  Use the Mr. Suicide Bathtub Plug and let the little bastard do himself in in your place. 

7. ZOMBIE Porn - the nice ladies at Burning Angel bring us Re- Penetrator.  Goes something like this - boy meets girl - dim lights - cue soundtrack - bowm chica bowm bowm - eat brains - die - come back as living corpse  - repeat! Aw-Fucking-Sum Son!

6. The Zing  Broccoli  launcher.  I would have given up a weeks milk money for something like this back in my 5th grade cafeteria.

5.  Somebody actually had so much free time that they dedicated a website to accidental pornographic images in various video games - new and old.  Can you say "time to move out of your parent's basement" boys and girls?

4.   Have you ever wanted to learn how to do the funky chicken?  Well now you can with this easy step by step on-line guide!  Check out this guy's outfit - it's like they beamed him down from planet 1985.

3.  And the 2008 winner of cocktail of the year is......THE SIDECAR!  Not as harsh as a Martini yet far less queer than a Cosmopolitan. 

2.  OK I have a crush - Whitney Matheson has been the pop culture blogger for USA Today for some time and she likes comic books - what else could a guy hope for than a  girl friend that lets him spend hours at a shot in Forbidden Planet  on a Wednesday when the new issues come out - rrrrrraor!

This is so damn funny!

This was courtesy of Big Joe Jelic from Cult 360 advertising.

A(this never gets old)Men

WTF is going on with Facebook?

Are you on facebook.com?  I am and every day I wonder why.  I get people poking me, vampires biting me, people I barely know sending me drinks that don't get me drunk and every day I accidentally send someone an invite to some ridiculous quiz like"who were you in a past life" or "name that hair metal band".  It's like they took all the annoying marketing games people post as banners all over the web and put them all in one place.  I just don't get it.  Why is this so popular?  I don't know maybe I'm too old, too stupid or just not hip enough to jibe with this shit.

It's almost as bad as when hackers fish for your passwords on Myspace and I end up getting SPAM from people I damn well know wouldn't redirect me to a porn site.   But even so, at least Myspace is easy to navigate and works especially well if you have a band or have a short film to push.

Facebook is clunky, hard to read and very very cluttered.  So because today someone sent me a "zombie hug" and asked if I wanted to join yet another group - Facebook  gets the Rev's award for 2007 Douche of The Year!

A(No I don't want to join the fans of Magnum P.I. group) Men

Keeping It Real

Thank you to my friend Vlad - El Vampiro de Cerveza from Black Death for sending me this!  It's funny as fuck!

Hand Farts Are Fun

This is awesome and almost in key - click here