The Rev. Spyros' Snake Oil Emporium

Why I love New York's homeless...

The other night I'm walking down 3rd Ave by 12th or 11th St. in the East Village and some preppy white guy and a crazy black homeless dude get into an altercation where the black guy starts screaming "get the fuck off my dick bitch - I'll stab you in the neck".   What do seasoned New Yorker's do in this situation - walk the fuck away right?  That was crazy homeless person defense language for "please go away - my life is bad and I need you to not be around me reminding me how fucked I am".  What does this pecker-wood do? Like a pussy rat bastard he goes and wastes  a cops time - but my homeless friend isn't stupid - he ducks into a cafe   "to use the bathroom".  I had to see this play out because I love a good train wreck so I sit there watching ofay blab to the man like a scared little suburban.  My boy finally comes out of the store a good five minutes after the cops have left and actually comes up to me and says this...

"You know why white people are scared of crazy, black homeless people?  This is why - first of all if they got crazy people in there own family, they own brothers and sisters, they freaking lock them up where nobody can know where the fuck they is.   Then they all guilty about what the fuck they did to black people so they act to us the way my Uncle Willy did after my niece, she finally told him stop freaking raping her.  And homeless people?  Shit, once a white person becoms homeless he don' have no family no more - at least my cousins. they still talk to me - sheeeeeeit, fuck you too bitch..."

God bless ya man.  Amen.

Never EVER be late again.

Oh man this is rich - there is now an alarm clock that via the magic of WiFi, connects to your bank account and contributes money to charities you hate every time you hit the snooze.  Man fundamentalist Christians and Right To Lifers would be so rich because of my ass. 

A(Oh fuck another $32 bucks just went to PETA!)Men

And what ever happened to that WAR thing?

You know I have to give it to good ole' Bloomy,  whether he run for Prez. or not his point is clear.  Candidates are so busy smearing each other that we don't notice there are still problems we need to deal with.  The world's ills don't quit because the US decides to have an election.  Our economy is about to go kablam in the wrong direction, people all over Africa are being raped and macheted to death, the climate is climbing at a never before seen rate and what are we spending our time on - whether McCain schtupped a lobbyist or whether sports stars are juicing.  Oh yeah and what the fuck ever happened to that war thing - are we still all up in that?

Lost German Shepherd Williamsburg, Greenpoint

Do you know this cutey?  She was found  wandering lost and hungry somewhere around Greenpoint.  The theory is that she was somebodies at some point and not a stray - so if anyone one in the Greenpoint, Williamsburg, Bushwick or even Bed Sty hoods has a clue or knows someone who lost their pooch please contact this email
reuel@colossalmedia.net

Thanks in advance

File it under WTF?

The Rev. is mos def a Kiss fan and of all things Kiss, Gene Simmons is by far my favorite member.  That said, why oh why oh why did Gene let this horrible sex video of himself and some "spokes-model" bumping uglies hit the web!?

Here's my take on this horrid spectacle.
1.  Gene Simmons who is rumored to have been with 1000's of women in his life has NO GAME in the bed room!
2.  I'm thinking well then he must be hung like a horse - aaaaannnd nope!
3.  Well he must be about to whip out that famous tongue aaaaannnd nope again!
4.  The "spokes-model" looks like something that Gene called from the back pages of Village Voice.
5.  Gene never stops chewing gum through the whole thing!
6.  He keeps his shirt on and his pants around his ankles throughout as well!

Gene - your kids didn't need to see this!   I'm not mad at you -just - disappointed.  You're no Tommy Lee. 

Why atheism rules...

Far be it from me to judge anyone's spirituality.  If believing in angels or reincarnation make you feel better in the morning man - go have a ball - but I found this posting on a Humanist website and had to re-post it.

Here it is for those of you don't know how to use a hyperlink.
Let the stonings begin!

"Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim"

Amen Jim - Amen indeed. 

And I know what I want for my birthday

The fridge pictured here.

The Mouse Has Landed! I Repeat the Mouse Has Landed.

You all been hearing about the Three Thug Mice project I've been following for well over a minute now.  Well Tik, Vik and Brik our resident rodent rabble have arrived with a vengeance -
For the  current episodes - click here
The site comes complete with:

1. An online PDF comic (for some background on our little finds)
2. Dusted - a video game that let's you be the Thug - Reservoir Mice Style!
3. A rogues gallery that includes the voices behind the critters!  Audio clips included.
4. A beat box feature for your ass - just click on the payphones!
5. Free shit in the 5 Finger Discount section!

A(gimme yer cheeze bitch)Men

Ladies and Gentlemen - for your viewing pleasure

Morris Day and the Motherfucking TIME.  Oh yeah and Rhianna (yawn).

Who's Queer For Cats?

It's true - the Rev's a big fat homo for animals but especially for cats.  I went as far as to get a cartoon cat tattoo (picture left) in honor of Inky the black stray Judy and I adopted.  Recently though I came across Winston and Rudy  on their owners FourFour blog.  It's an entire blog dedicated to these two felines and out queers my cat fetish by a mile!

Here's a clip of Winston ans Rudy on Halloween.