The Rev. Spyros' Snake Oil Emporium

10 things - better late than never...

OK OK OK Already - I'll freaking update the blog more often. Stop yer nagging already.

10 things I found this week you may find cool?

1. My girlfriend's friend has a commuter blog and a Grand Central fetish.  She got in a "Ms.  Grand Central" ensemble and had a photo-shoot at the transit hub. Awesome.

 

2. I knew it - Bono is the devil!

3.  And the creepiest porn of the week is "It's Ok - She's My Stepdaughter."  If there isn't enough deviant sex online for you right now you can fantasize about creepy old men and  statutory rape.

4. Harvesting organs from dangerous criminals made into hipster friendly cartoons...

5. I just found how you can annoy every last person in your office for hours!

 

6. To the Cat Cave - shit I ate Robin!

 

7. Beware hipsters - the grifter is back and she wants your trust fund! 

8. Jet Packs for X-Mas!

9. Be happy you don't live in one of these cities - oh wait - some of you do - oopsie.

 

10. Finally - awesome photos of horrible people!

 

10 New Tings to Make Ya Tink!

Here's your new 10 things to make your day. A new list of weirdness, madness and whimsy ya bastiches!

1. I've thought to myself - that's it - I can see nothing as weird and nerdy as I've seen at multiple Cosplay events or Comiccon's I've been to, then I came across the below dress then the saddest part was I started to think - hey I bet you my girl would love this. 

2. The "Do No Evil" monkey:  Oh yeah you've heard of "See no...", "Hear no...", "Speak no..." but did you no there was a "DO NO EVIL" monkey - note where his hands are and how happy he is.

3. If dreams could come true...

 

4. Speaking of dreams - the sex machine death races!

5. And more dreams - office fun camouflage!

6. I say - please raise your cups and have a high hardy huzzah for his Royal Manliness Lord Likely.

 

7. MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY I SWEAR HE FOLLOWED ME HOME (gnawing on my femur the whole time and I think he's rabid) CAN I KEEP HIM PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE??

 

8.  Jon Nolan's amazing mouse!

 

9. Yet another closeted anti-gay Republiqueer!

 

10. and finally no no NONONONO NOOOOOO! So wrong!

Amen!

Think it's time for another 10 things? The Rev do...

Time for another 10 moments of awesome chaos and trivial gobbledeegookiness.

1. The below disciplinary report is what happens when your kids OD on World of Warcraft. Seal of Command indeed young Kai!

 

2. Yes I know I said I wanted to see the Auto-Tuner go away but look! KITTIES! 

3.And now introducing the RZA burger! Who knew the Wu could be this gastronomically ingenious

 

4. This little guy!

 

5. Brussels fire-fighters are foaming at the mouth!

 

6. I found this website of really stupid gamey thingies - note NOT safe for the office and they need audio.

7. FAILBLOG.ORG - MY NEWEST MOST FAVORITE OF BLOGS! 

 

8. Who knew there were so many bacon themed products available?

 

9. The horror of the TODDLERPEDE!

 

10. And finally In B FLAT!  OK yes it's affected and arty but it's fun as hell as well! 

 

Sabretooth?

I always liked Liev Schreiber.  He's a good actor but in the new X-Men movie coming out about Wolverine he plays Sabretooth.   Sabretooth is supposed to be a burly, over-muscled, fera,l hair-bag, sociopathic psycho.   Tyler Mane - the pro-wrestler from the first movie who played him was pretty dead on physically.  Liev on the other hand seems a little doughy - he's got man-boobs in the on set shot below.  Sabretooth shouldn't have moobs!  OK so you can hide that but he's also always just a little on the soft side.  Here's a list of actors I think would have made a far better Sabretooth...
1. Gerald Butler who played Leonidas in the 300 if he could lose the English accent.  It's rumored he was up for the part at one time. 
2. Matthew McConaughy - that red neck drawl would give the character and even creepier edge and it's time he played a villain. 
3. Kurt Russell - ok a little older, maybe not a body builder but at least he looks grizzled enough.
4. Pro-Wrestler Goldberg - Big, mean, nasty, perfect. 
5. Chuck Norris - I think it's time Walker Texas Ranger made a come back! 
6. Jeff Fahey - yeah the Lawnmower Man - where the hell has he been?  He's hairy enough for sure. 
7. Howie Long - just cause I think that would be weird.
8. Daniel Day Lewis - He's proved time and time again he can play a great psychopath. 
9. Viggo Mortensen - Weather killing orcs or Russian gangsters he's been dead on playing an ass kicker.
10. Scott William Winters - yeah I know he played a retard on OZ - but before his character went stupid he was brutal.

Don't be THAT guy this NYE!

So it's almost New Years 2009.  You got yer game face on and ya think - tonight you're gonna make something happen - ok, here's 10 ways to make sure anything that does happen won't be good.  Don't be this guy before midnight...

1.  Don't break out the "going out" shirt that you bought at the mall in July, would never wear to work and haven't found one reason to wear since you bought it.  Dress sharp, not stupid. If all else fails, go with black.

2. Don't start at 3:00 PM - pace yourself because I don't care how many bumps you plan to have - if you've already downed 4 car-bombs and 3 Jager shots and it's only 5:00 PM  - dude take a break - don't be that ass passed out in his own puke.

 

3.  Speaking of bumps - don't go cocaine crazy.  No one wants to be around the guy who has lost the ability control his face.

4.  Hair gel has been proven to lower your intelligence - lay off the product this year.

 

5.  Don't be the over-aggro, prove-some-shit jackhole.  Look you probably won't get laid tonight, and as of the 2nd you'll be back at the job you hate and you'll be broke because of the 10 Patron shots you bought to bribe the party you're with to tolerate you.  Don't compound the situation by having the bouncer hand you your ass in front of everyone.

 

6.  Don't be the emo, moody, wallflower, douche!  Oh, you all know him - that asshole in the corner, miserable for the sake of female attention.  Look - keep your lame game out of the party man.  

 

7.  Hey Drunken Man Whore - put down your 5th Long Island Ice Tea, take a deep breath and really look at that girl you're taking home - no really - look really hard - squint if you have to!  

 

8. Don't block the cock - dude making your friend NOT get laid tonight will NOT get you any.

 

9.  Don't bug the DJ to play that song you heard at Marquee last night and please, put the iPod away - no one cares how awesome your new playlist is. 

10.  Don't, by any means, break up with ANYONE at midnight on New Years - aside from it being shitty, you will get a lifetime's bad juju, the threat of horrid retaliation and finally, it's so fucking cliche.   Also, don't drive drunk, don't take the brown acid and don't make ANY resolutions.  Deciding that the New Year is significant enough a reason to make a life altering change is no way to plan your life. 

 

A(Happy2009!)Men

Have I told you how dissapointed I was in hip-hop lateley?

BUT WAIT there's hope!

I am loving the following - some old - some new - all new to me.

1. Brooklyn Go Hard - Jay Z and Santogold

2. Dark Pink Goo Mashup - Tobacco and Aesop Rock (feat. Rob Sonic)

3. It is Pitch Dark - MC Frontalot

4. Christmas Tree - Lady Gaga

5. The N Word - Baje One

6. Wassup Wassup - Rye Rye

7. Rising Up - The Roots

8. Arab Money - Busta

9. Dance Wiv Me - Dizzee Rascal

10. Getting Up - Q-Tip

Haven't seen this in years...The Redneck Letter

Somebody sent me the below letter when I lived in AZ - I stumbled upon it again here. 

"Dear Billy Joe Bob,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Pa read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 minutes of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. I even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though, Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain, we haven't seen it since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Bubba said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning,but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for three days straight.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back, they drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

Your Favorite Aunt


PS I included a Picture of our new swimming pool with Uncle Bubba in it! I hope you like it."

10 ten X Deka Diez -another 5+5 list from the Rev.

Ben a second since I did the list of ten things that tickled my tuchus lately so here it is brother's and sisters - 10 to make ya day.

10.  Plastic Bottle Art - This link depicts two million plastic beverage bottles, the number used in the US every five minutes.  It's so...beautiful!  SOB!

9.  Hey Morrisey fans - now you have your own dance!

8.  Creepy but fun - get some FACE here

7.  OK one for goth nerds everywhere - eyeglass frames that you pierce to your face!

6.  Holy Beez wax Batman - this cat found an ENTIRE BEE HIVE under his BBQ grill after he put it away for the winter! 

5.  This is what the Mario Brothers would have looked like during the cold war.

4.  My fashion statement for this winter is the crime scene tape scarf!

3.  Zombie Harmony!  Finally a dating site for the brain sucking un-dead!

2.  New England Patriots cheerleader ousted for drawing on a passed out jack ass!

1.  And finally - how to make your very own THING IN A JAR!

Dick dick dick dick dick DICK DICK!

 DICKIPEDIA - Dickipedia is exactly what it sounds like - a Wiki ull of dicks - it's nice that Republicans and Democrats are equally represented.  I hate to say it but I love DICK...Epedia that is.  

Featured dicks include

Simon Cowell

Pope Benedict XVI

China

Jimmy Fallon

Brett Favre

and my favorite...

Your mom

The Rev. Dorkboy

Here it is folks - Here are the top 10. most awesome action figures (no they aren't dolls!  they are highly collectible pieces of pop art!!!...in doll form...) that I've seen in a minute.

10. It's the Duuuude and Walter! - OK I know I ragged on Lebowskifest in a previous post but come on these are pretty cool!

9. Sampson vs. Goliath! - Yes that's right now we mix our Old Testament heroes and  villains like Luchadores y Rudos in a  Battle Royal!!

8. Old School Porn Star Action Figures - Porn Stars from that golden period of big hair, big bling,  hooker make up, 80's electronic sound tracks, and less than perfect boob jobs!